Fight The Future

uh hi

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:50:14 GMT

So hi, I realized I don't really check LJ all that much anymore- I read but never write.

If you feel the need to actually keep up with the things I do, I update Facebook pretty frequently (every other day or so). So add me there, I'm using my pen name Bidelle Riyushi. (Though many of you already have, so feel free to ignore this!)

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:54:11 GMT

This is the best thing I have ever seen. Ever.

Mostly because they're my three biggest celebrity crushes.
The only two that come close after these three are Patrick Stewart and Nathan Fillion.

...I feel like a massive dork now. (Is there a word for reverse-cougar? Because I'm that too.)

OH AND LEE PACE. I think if I had to choose ONE guy out of all I've listed, I'd choose Lee Pace (because his smile is just entrancing). But Colbert would be close behind!

shitsux

Sat, 17 May 2008 20:25:43 GMT

Dear LJ:

This trip was best described in the words of that damn song in Dirty Dancing. "I'VE.... HAD.... THE TIME OF MYYYY LIIIIIFE."
Until last night.

The entire trip I was dreading last night's events and so I was really putting my good face on and pushing through it with the best intent.
Instead, the person who I was dreading seeing ruined my night, and thus my week and in turn, most likely my month. And made me regret the past few months as well.

How someone can act so petty is beyond me. I'm not even insulted at what he said, but what he reacted like.

Anyway. Lala is making me feel better as best she can. We're cutting the trip early though, by me leaving Tuesday and her not returning to Indiana with me as planned. I'm just going to go home and that'll be that.

I hate traveling. I really really do.

lolololololollllllllolherd

Thu, 15 May 2008 14:02:01 GMT

shit yeah, wisconsin.

delicious cheese? check.

hot wimminz? check.

hot wimminz willing to sex me up? ...pending.

awesome scenery? check.

cute fuzzy animals that make me turn into some squeeling creature? COMING SOON.

I'm having a pretty rad time. Though my bags were gone for two or three days I GOT THEM BACK LAST NIGHT so now I can change my clothes! YEAH, ALRIGHT, WOO, UH HUH!

I think the only downside I've had thusfar was having to do some stairways that other people were using so I couldn't hold on to both railings and take my time. I freaked right out. Damn irrational fears. But lala totally held my hand so it was worth it!!! <3

Also we got greek food last night (DELICIOUS!) and walked around downtown for a bit. Super cool.

....and then we went home and watched Purple Rain.

I DONNNTTT WANNA BE YO.... WEEEEEEEEEEKEND LOOOOOOVAAAAAAAAA!

lol chicago

Tue, 13 May 2008 02:15:03 GMT

fuck chicago
.
every trip I ever go on that has a transfer in chicago it ends up with me stuck either in chicago or the stop afterwards.

Right now I'm stuck in Milwaukee because Chicago sucks. :D

sooooo if all goes well I'll be able to actually get out of here some time tonight

WISHFUL THINKING!

lol trip

Mon, 12 May 2008 09:54:53 GMT

going to wisconsin, bbl

lol LAND OF CHEESE

Taken from Aesa

Thu, 08 May 2008 15:01:17 GMT

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal...
5. ...along with these instructions.
6. (I added this for more amusement) Pick a random page, point, and post the line.

This book has two pages 23s.

1a (pg XXIII) "That's when you'll discover you no longer trust the very walls you always took for granted."

1b (pg 23) "A pretty innocuous and laconic rumination and yet it contains one particularly nettlesome word."

2) (pg 150) "It was about to splinter its way through the Hall door, my door, Walker in Darkness, from whose face earth and heaven long ago fled."

As an aside, I'll finish my "rantings" in a bit, Aesa. XD Sorry I've taken so long on the next parts...
Also, inc post later today about how my recent life has been. :P

some people...

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:10:24 GMT

So I got a wonderful comment on my main page on DA today.

Someone went and "editted" one of my pictures.

Ya know, changing hair color, eye color and all that doesn't bother me too much. They'd probably just use her in some RP and they're probably 13. I don't care.

But this guy happened to remove all her clothes and add in a few things that make it very NSFW, if you can imagine. Not only that, but the guy fucking changed her entire expression too, and its horribly done- obviously it was MSPaint and they were trying really hard.

Furthermore, he posted a link ON MY MAIN PAGE. No "NSFW" warning, nothing at all. I wouldn't say I have a lot of kid watchers, but the possibility of it just makes me sick- that some kid might have come around and clicked a link.

Ugh. It makes me furious that people think they can just change my art like that, and change it into whatever degree of perversion for their own pleasure.

Sure, I draw tons of NSFW and full on porn, but I NEVER post my bad stuff where kids (or even anyone I know irl) can see it. And for something that was lighthearted and fun to be bastardized like that; turned into something like that... it just nauseates me.

Ugh. If I wasn't using the beta account for a "portfolio" for work, I'd just shut down my whole DA account. It's brought me nothing but idiots, whiners, perverts and thieves.

...and to top it all off I got a comment on a fan art piece I did years ago thats STILL getting attention though it sucks HORRIBLY actually critiquing the damn thing and jumping on the bandwagon of "anything with lots of favorites is EVIL!". I had to respond back with much restraint, trying not to just say "you're a tool, its in a scrap gallery and you commented on ONLY THIS which shows you know nothing about my 'talent' so don't fucking knock it...oh and did I mention you're a huge tool?"

Fuck, today is just AWESOME ALREADY.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 14:06:45 GMT

real job get?
details later.

Also lol yes it has to do with strippers!

Music

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 12:41:29 GMT

I deeply thank everyone who has thrown music at me the past few weeks, my MSN has been flooded by new contact requests so I've set myself invis lately just so I don't feel obligated to stay up so late accepting transfers. Lol.

I must say that other than the albums of Feist I got for myself, my favorite band by far through all of it has been "Beirut". It's not any genre I can really describe... it's got a turn of the century French feel; heavy accordions, ukelele, amazing piano... etc. The singer has a beautiful voice and it's especially gorgeous when the song is in French.

I can't really say enough about the band, I love it. I don't even know who I'd suggest it to though, but I'd love to share it. So if you'd like to give it a listen, their site is here: http://www.beirutband.com/

Let me know what you think if you're brave enough to give it a listen~!

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 12:37:53 GMT

WOOOOO
okay after a million dollars
tons of scraped fingers
a bajillion components
learning more about wires than I wished to ever know
2 different motherboards
a system failure and fired (T_T) technician
more grief over a system than I care to admit
and a year of wanting

I BUILT MY NEW COMPUTER
IT WORKS
ITS HELLA HOT AND FAST
(it glows purple in the inside with a plexiglass pane so I can see it :3)

And now I've got a gigantic hard drive with all of it and I have no music or programs.

BUT I HAS A COMPUTER, OH YES I DOES.

I am so happy, you don't even know.

NEED MUSIC, REAL BAD PLZ

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 18:33:56 GMT

I got my computer working! Kind of...

Unfortunately I couldn't save everything... the worst of which is the fact that my external hard drive-turned-internal hard drive no longer works.

So that means I'm working with only 25GB of space. Also, all the movies/music/art (ohgodallllmyartisgone, including commissionsFUCK) from the last 4-6 years = gone.

So if you've got a piece of art you've given me, I'd like it, just to have it....

Also if you've got music, send me what you've got!! I don't care what you send really, as long as you think I'd enjoy it... I'll be on MSN tonight (hopefully, given that this won't just randomly die again) so you all can send shit at me.

For those who don't know, my MSN is bidelle@gmail.com. :P

Thanks in advance.

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 22:31:45 GMT

okay so pretty much everyone knows how I've been having problems with my computer

well the day before yesterday it died, completely, won't even turn on anymore. Yes, I've checked everything, no, there's nothing I can do. It's old and it's about time it was put to rest.

I'll be back around when I get a new one. :/ Hopefully that won't be too long.

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 06:14:56 GMT

My pants are dirty, my hands are tired and I'm shaking a little bit. I'm in a great mood. Not sarcastic. I'm just happy. :D

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Where did the time go?

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 09:48:13 GMT

Back in highschool, I used to have a group of about 3 friends.

One of them contacted me today in order to show me pictures of her daughter. Seems she's been married for over a year or so, though he's not the father of her daughter because her husband was in jail. Wow. She had the baby in November.

The second, as I remember, used to be 5'0 tall, and weighed about as much as my foot. Judging by her pictures now, she has to weigh over 250 lbs, easily. Her face looks exactly the same, her body just ballooned.

And the third. She used to date one of my best friends back in the day. That was her first boyfriend and it failed pretty harshly. (He however, has found himself incredibly happy with my little sister's best friend, which is awesome). But anyway, after that relationship, I guess she found someone else, who she just married this winter after buying her own house a few months back and living with him for some time. Also, she just announced that she triumphed over a thyroid disorder that was making it hard to conceive. She's now a few weeks pregnant.

All three (with the exception of the first) are younger than I am. Only by months, but still.
Regardless. Here I am feeling that the pace in which I grew up might have been a bit... rushed.. but... now I seem to be taking it too slow.

I'm not saying I want a baby (anyone who really knows me understands how laughable this is), but I do kinda want to settle down. I want a house, a stable relationship. Yeah, I guess I want to get married. Too bad for me, right?

Sigh. To be entirely honest, I think I give my heart away far too easily. And I think there's only one of those times that I really do not regret. I think that's the only one I could possibly ever love for real.
I just wish I didn't feel so isolated and distant right now...

Bleh, and I've got this horrid taste in my mouth from god knows what, and it's been bothering me all day.
Time to brush my teeth, take some more sleeping pills, and call it a night.

Heh. 4:44am. Make a wish!

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 15:37:10 GMT

Getting ready to re-re-reinstall my OS, I was going through shit on my external just to see what I could get rid of-

LALA I FOUND OUR FIRST CONVERSATION EVER. EPIC.

I also found pictures (art not photos) from three or four years ago. I also found stuff from about... 6 years ago... stuff I had on my OLD OLD OLD computer that I had transferred over the day I got this system. Just some of my writing and whatnot... wow. Just wow.

Sometimes I'm glad that some websites get deleted due to inactivity. If people could see a few of the things I've posted back when I was 13, I would die of embarrassment. Good thing I didn't get into website creation when I first figured out how to get online. 10 years of internets!

So here's the worst: I traced a picture of someone's art and sent it to them, asking for critiques. AHAHAHA.

So what's a stupid thing you've done on them interwebs?

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 13:25:32 GMT

I always associate early morning sunlight (especially with heavy dew/fog) with the 80s. I'm not sure why. I also associate Thanksgiving with San Francisco. Again, no idea why.

So... you know that guild I was in, in WoW? We got to the Black Temple and Hyjal... and I quit day after Christmas. I realized just how stupid it is to waste so many evenings of my life on a damn game. It hit me when I was practically threatened because I didn't want to attend a raid on the holidays, when I had friends over and was planning the week's activities now that everyone has time off. It's ridiculous to think that someone would try to rationalize the prioritizing of a game over life. What the hell. And you know, months ago I would have scoffed at this, but it wasn't the raiding that was keeping me playing the game, but the people I was playing with. And now that I hardly or do not play with nearly any of those people anymore, the game isn't enjoyable at all. From now on, I'm giving up that silly ass raiding life and just sticking to playing with my lovies and dorking around, like the game should be played.

God what the hell have I been doing with my nights for the past months? I miss writing. I think I'm going to re-write my entire... project thing. And I'll pick up that new Silent Hill. And I'll hang out with my peeps.

New Years resolutions early? Fucks yeah.

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:08:46 GMT

Whoa okay so I guess I haven't updated in a while.

Computer still sucks. Shuts off a lot, so I try to do other things nowadays!

Uh. November was nasty, between my tremendous social anxiety and Thanksgiving, fun was had for all.
So much about that, but it's really been a while and I don't care to really mention it.

Uh I think I'll make a filtered post for the rest of everything....

But yes, I am, in fact, still alive!

(Also Portal is a GREAT freaking game you need to get it RIGHT now)

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 07:33:28 GMT

LANI THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO POWERTHIRST

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1779769

my stomach hurts from laughing too hard :(

Fer all you WoW folk.

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 05:42:18 GMT

If you don't play WoW; feel free to skip this!

Tonight was an awesome night. You know why?

WE KILLED LADY VASHJ!!!! Alliance server first!! We're now the top guild on the server since the horde guild who downed Vashj broke up and their officers transferred to Eonar! :D

NOT ONLY DID WE ACCOMPLISH THAT EPIC EVENT

But we went to ZG to pick up our main tank's new helm enchant- GUESS WHAT DROPPED. SWIFT RAZZASHI RAPTOR.

GUESS WHO GOT IT.

YEZ I DID. YEZ I DID!

Oh also. Jake won Associate of the Year tonight at a work-related banquet. He got an iPod Nano and brought home about 6 pounds of chocolates and other massive desserts. DELICIOUS CAKE I ALREADY ATE IT

TONIGHT WINS FOR ME HUGS FOR EVERYONE

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 15:00:33 GMT

My mother sent me an email this morning requesting kindly that I get pregnant. For her sake. I would laugh, but she's absolutely sincere.

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 13:06:12 GMT

Somewhat of a crosspost from DA-

Long story short. Computer = dying, right now. I can hear it gurgling at me OH GOD THE HORROR.
Need new one. To do so, need monies outside of normal commissions. Need about 400$ish for a cheapo computer that's still better than what I'm running.

Anyone interested in art? On top of that, anyone want to throw some money at me? I'd be extra appreciative.

I'm in one hell of a bind with all this, finishing up my commissions that are out right now sucks since my computer keeps dying and wiping out my progress, but getting more commissions is the only thing I can do right now. And without a new computer I can't do... anything. :/ So yeah.

Let me know if any of you would like to help. :D :D :D (Comments are screened, like always.)

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 09:15:00 GMT

So I started drawing something tonight- unfortunately I can't show anyone because I stupidly left my stylus a million miles away and will most likely never see it again. Also new ones cost 50-70$ wtf.

So what I drew ended up being on paper. I'll do my best to describe it.

A happy peaceful couple sharing a kiss by a sunset. Everything is serene and gorgeous. I would have stopped there, but my mind wasn't feeling it. So I added shadows, two on the ground, of the girl viciously slaughtering her lover. Then around the actual figures, the shadows play around to the point where it looks as if the lover actually is ripping the girl's heart from her chest.

I sat and looked at it for a good 20 minutes in complete silence, got up, burned it, then washed the ashes down the kitchen sink.

I'm shaking a good deal. I think I'm a little upset. I can't tell for sure.

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 12:24:17 GMT

You know, I had a terribly heartfelt entry here, but fuck it, seriously. Nothing ever was changed by blogging about it. D:

Also I should never be allowed near a computer when I'm in a bad mood.

Bleh, I think I'm going to force myself back to sleep and stay that way until it's dark again. -_-

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 12:13:44 GMT

Still in Chicago, but this time writing from the Wyndham O'Hare hotel.

After breaking down about things, I got my butt in motion and started to ask people around the terminal for the use of their cell phones. You have no idea how much I am thankful for the kindness of strangers.

Anyway, so with the ability to readily communicate, Matt got me into this super swank hotel for the night.

Not only is it super gorgeous in this room, there was room service waiting for me when I arrived, which consisted of 2 of the greatest things in the universe: a turkey on rye (zomg rye) sandwich and a plate full of strawberries and pineapples!! T_T!!! ^_^!!

Also a cutesy letter that one of the poor desk clerks had to write, XD.

So I slept very well (omg wtf are those pillows made of?? it's got to be like... angel feathers and happy fluffs, there's not a tangible material that is THAT soft!) though I'm up at 7 AM which is normally suicide hours for me. D: But I'm in a good mood now so hopefully I can get down to the airport (I can see it from this room, lol) and I won't miss this flight this time.

Unfortunately it's making me travel, on a plane, no less, on September 11th. I was hoping to avoid it, but oh well. I wonder how tight the security will be today in comparison to yesterday.

...which means I should definitely get going.

I'll make another entry when I get settled in Houston, provided I'm not hindered once more.